Upon the scheduling of a funeral in our parish community, we arrange a meeting with the family members of the deceased. The purpose of this meeting is two-fold; First it is important to us that we be vessels of God's compassion and care. The death of a loved one changes lives.  As a church we find it necessary to be present to those who are most deeply impacted by the confusion and lack of control that death brings.  In this time together, we enter into dialogue with the family, so that we can better understand the  circumstances and minister more  effectively. The Canadian, Jean Vanier, who has worked  extensively with the developmentally  challenged of L'Arche, has a wonderful description of what a  community should be. He says,  "Community is a place where we rub up against one another's  sore spot." At no other time in our  lives are we more vulnerable than when we experience the  pain of grief, so for us to rub up  against your "sore spots," is to validate your feelings and to offer  assurance that we indeed  journey together with you. Second, our time together is to be of assistance in planning the funeral  liturgy.  While the death  and resurrection of Jesus is central to the "Rite of Christian Funerals,"  the liturgical celebration is  an opportunity to embrace how our loved one's life, death and  resurrection are fleshed out.  Additionally, the funeral mass may also speak to us on a more  personal note, families are invited  and encouraged to participate.  They may do so in the  choosing and proclamation of the scripture  readings, the presentation of the gifts of bread and  wine at the preparation rite, and the offering of  "Words of Remembrance" at the conclusion of the  liturgy. Thus, this time together is about fulfilling our pastoral responsibilities.  In an atmosphere which  speaks to us of the dignity of the gift of life and the sense of welcome you richly deserve. We  recognize the "sore spots" in the hope that we can be a healing sign of Christ's presence.